When i was just a little kid, I was told to never show my negative feeling.
I never cry in front of anyone. I always cried only in front of my mom. But, like i said, mom told me, to never show such a feeling to anyone else.
Anger, lust, depression, pain, defeated, etc.
“Only if you trust them, like you trust me,” mom said.
If I lose, than it’s my burden. Not anyone else.
Mom wanted me to be a strong kid back then.
Well, I do.
But growing up to be a man like me, I had a fvkin problem showing all my feeling. Like if “all” literally means “all”.
I keep them all for myself.
Idk if it relate to my Bipolar problem, but it really sucks.
I’m laughing like I watch a fat man riding a tricycle. It’s stupid not because what i thought it’s funny, but the reason behind that laugh is all depression.
No one can tell that I was cried or laugh when i do both in front of them.
It’s not just depression’s fault. Not only it.
More like when you fill one tracklist on your phone, and you listen random, but you mix all the genres on it.
A major messed up mood swing.
Like hell you can enjoy it. LOL
I just did it again.
I write this blog in bad mood mode. But, i just laugh, right?
I didn’t laugh, but my fingers did it.
And I forget why i write this blog post in the first time.
Is it maybe I am not a person with bipolar? I’m only having trouble with my memories? LOL
I need to talk with someone.
Should i go to a fortune-teller, ask him/her to guess what’s on my mind?
Expecting they know what i want, so i didn’t have to mention everything. Will it comfort me? Or it will happen the other way?
Oh… And now I realize that expressing your feeling is more important than to take a selfie.
Everyone can see your face (literally), but not everyone can see your feeling, yourself.
and to make them understand you, it’s not a pic you should take. It’s more like a note maybe.
Express yourself, and you will have no problem with depression.
This blog helps me a lot. Save my time. And it save my money (so i can spend it for something else, less important)
Or else, choose a job that can make you talking to yourself without making you look crazy.
Having your own program on radio, maybe?